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AXON

: MEMOIR

A fucked up mind. A fucked up life. And Nelly.

"I am a failure. I need more control." "There is no light without dark."
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She made it with her hands.
He burned it.
Now there's a book.
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Most people write their memoir twenty, thirty years later — so they forgot half the things, let alone the faces and voices. Fuck that. I wrote this one while it was still bleeding. Journals. Screenshots. Voice recordings. Videos. Photos. The things I couldn't say to anyone. Not looking back. Looking straight forward into the horizon.

The shape of it

Structure

The book moves between two states. It was written inside both.

01

Pattern

A timetable. Columns and rows. Gym, meditation, reading, journal — ticks for doing, blanks for not. The pool at six, the run timed to the second, the week rewritten so the week can begin again. Control as a place to live.

02

Absence

Then the frame rate drops. The world at the wrong speed, words landing after the mouth has finished making them. The grey that doesn't lift. What happens when the pattern breaks — and what it costs to keep standing there anyway.

Index — sixteen chapters

00her.Nelly. The bracelet. The “No.” Austria. The burning.
01BeforeThe timetable. The pool at six. The podium. C418.
02ChildhoodMinecraft. Oscar. The “All Star” video. 126 views.
03QuarantinePS4. Fortnite. The stolen year.
042022Gym. Journaling. The change.
05CadetsBefore Nelly. Structure. Discipline.
06After the Burning2024. The aftermath.
07GCSEs67% attendance. The pressure.
08June 18thThe laced weed. The event.
09Sixth FormDPDR. Two days in A&E.
10DisstrackThe song. The statement. The fallout.
11Friday (with Z)The park. The garden. “I will always, always be ears.”
12SaturdayThe five-hour lecture. The four options. £200,000.
13SundayA’s house. The almost. The Smiths on the drive home.
14The WeekThe discharge. The exam. The party. Stonehenge. The flowers.
15ClosureNelly. “The book is what remains.”
FIG. 00 — HER Dithered black and white botanical illustration

About the book

A brutalist memoir

Axon: Memoir is about survival, trauma, and the girl who made a bracelet. A seventeen-year-old carrying DPDR, a family coming apart at the seams, and the weight of his own mind — written from inside the year it happened, not from the safe distance after.

It opens and closes with the same name: Nelly.

Edition 01 extras

Inside the exclusive

The voice memo — 3hr+, edited. Photographs that relate to the story but never made the book. Journal facsimiles and marginalia. The pages behind the pages.

Voice memo

3hr+ / edited

Pictures

Not in the book

Journal

Facsimiles

Community

Discussion

A live place for readers to talk about the book, the extras, theories, questions, and what stayed with them after the last page.

r/axonmemoir

Open discussion
UP
128
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Finished Chapter 00 and I need somewhere to put the silence.

Nelly as an opening and closing point changes the whole shape of the book.

Pinned thread - 42 replies
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86
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Exclusive readers: journal pages discussion

Use spoiler tags on the live board. The facsimiles add context without flattening the story.

Exclusive channel - 19 replies
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51
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Quotes that stayed with you

Drop one line and why it hit. Keep it kind, keep it honest.

General - 31 replies

Checkout

Payment

Standard edition

£11.99 GBP
  • The memoir, complete
  • Paperback / e-book
  • Everything the book is, nothing it doesn’t need
  • Standard reader access to discussion
Buy standard — £11.99

Exclusive edition

£17.99 GBP
  • Everything in standard
  • Journal facsimiles & marginalia
  • The voice memo — edited, 3hr+
  • Pictures that never made the book
  • Portal access on this site — numbered
Purchase exclusive — £17.99

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